Coffee Chat #2 — Life Changes and Late Night Thoughts

Holy Cow this year is flying by already! We have officially reached spring and if your home is anything like mine, winter and spring are still playing tug of war with each other.

I know I’m not well established yet, but those who do follow can probably tell I’ve been a bit sporadic with my posts this month. I’ve made a few life changing decisions this month and me and Ronan have been adapting to a new life and schedule as he is now in daycare and I’m back at work! So if you’re still here, thanks for sticking around!

So what’s going on in my life?

A few weeks ago I made the decision to change my major from Pre-Nursing to Business. From the beginning of high school, my goal was to become a nurse. I went into the Navy knowing I would have my education paid for, did my four years while taking classes on deployments, and still wanted to go into nursing once I got out.

Fast forward 3 years later and I’m still a pre-nursing student who hasn’t met the requirements to enter a basic associates program, despite being a full time student, due to lack of advisement and policy changes I can’t keep up with. It’s been extremely frustrating and I am simply burnt out.

A few opportunities opened up for me in the business route and after a few weeks of research and deliberation, I decided that a business degree would be more efficient for me and will provide a better schedule for me and my son in the future. I am not officially accepted yet, but fingers crossed!

College is exhausting, especially as an adult. You don’t realize how much you’ve matured until you’re sitting in a classroom full of kids in high school (early college) and fresh out of high school. That’s all I’ll say about that.

So what’s going on in my head?

By 25 it seems like we are already supposed to be living in our prime with the perfect job, the perfect husband, perfect house, kids, etc. and sometimes it’s frustrating knowing I’m nowhere close.

As much as we try not to compare our lives to others, it is HARD when we are surrounded by social media that paints a picture of the perfect parts of our lives and I have a hard time with that. Although I love to post the good, I struggle with refraining from including the bad. But sometimes I wonder why we “have to” paint the perfect picture when our struggles are often what got us to the perfect parts.

I don’t consider myself materialistic and I know that money isn’t everything. I was raised in a single parent home and I appreciate everything I’ve been able to do for myself and what I’ve worked for, but is it such a crime that there is a part of me that does want a few nice things?

I want a nice house that I can raise Ronan in that he will remember as a safe and consistent place and that he will make so many memories in. I want a job that I enjoy so that I can come home nearly stress-free and give my undivided attention to my son. I want to go on a shopping spree occasionally and not feel guilty for buying a few items for myself. I want to take Ronan and let him experience the world with me. I just want a simple life I can enjoy with my son and I feel like I’m never going to get there.

Now this may sound a bit dramatic to some. And that’s okay. But I’m realizing that it’s not a crime to feel low every now and then when life isn’t going how you expect it or want it to. In the end, I know that we will adjust and adapt to whatever life throws at us, because that’s what we’ve done from the start.

I appreciate my struggles because they eventually push me to where I am meant to be. I hope I’m not the only one out there that has these moments. At the end of the day I know I’m beyond blessed with my baby boy and to have a roof over our head and food in our fridge, or in Ronan’s case two boobs full of milk.

Okay, so now that I’ve possibly ruined everyone’s good mood with my own moodiness, I’ll talk a bit about the positive things going on!

Ronan said “mama” for the first time this week and truly meant what he said. I CRIED. He looked straight into my soul and just said it. I’m currently laying here listening to him snore beside me and I’m so thankful I have him here to remind me why I chose this name for my website. Living with him truly is so blissful.

For once, I got to spring clean and my house is sparkling. I’m sure it will be a disaster by the end of the weekend, but for now I’m enjoying it!

I got my taxes back this month! I’m not sure if they are still doing them for free but H&R Block did not charge me for state or federal filing this year so check them out if you still haven’t done them yet.

I think I’ll go ahead and wrap things up here before I ramble on for a few more days. Hopefully next month will be filled with better content and we will get it together!

An accurate depiction from my favorite show of me writing this post.

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